Matthew 26:36-46

This sounds stupid, but I think I had used to take the cross too lightly because, being God and all-powerful, dying didn't seem like as big a deal. You can do anything and just come back to life, like when you play a video game and you die. You can just restart.

But there it is in the description of the events at Gethsemane: Jesus' anguish and fear and ultimately, obedience.

Why did Peter fall asleep when Jesus asked him to stay awake with him? I'm guessing he didn't really grasp what was going to happen. It's interesting to me that, Jesus asks him to just stay with him and be awake with him. It reminds me that Jesus really was flesh and blood and not just some ethereal, higher-order being. He felt the same things you or I feel. He loved Peter and, knowing what was coming, He looked to hold tight to someone he loved.

And of course, Peter fails. Twice.

In my favorite episode (Out of Gas) of my favorite show (Firefly), there's a scene when the captain's sending his crew out in shuttles (think: life boats) so they can stay alive as long as possible. He stays alone on the ship, on the chance that someone might answer a distress beacon and a crewmember says, "Come with us! This isn't the sailing the high seas, you don't have to go down with the ship! You don't have to die alone!"

He replies, "Everyone dies alone."

Yes, I know it's a TV show and written by a person, trying to tell a story. But there is an emotional truth there. For example, I know that when my mom and dad were sick, there was a point when I stopped holding out hope for a miracle and just felt like the best I could do was to be with them, or make sure someone in my family was with them, when they finally passed.

It's terrible, the thought of just being alone, no one really caring enough to stay with you when you're about to fall into an endless, black abyss. And, after listening to a lot of Tim Keller, I am convinced that what Jesus was cut off from was a lot more terrifying since, to begin with, he had a much more visceral connection with his Father than we do.

I don't know that I'll ever understand what was so worth-saving about people, since every single person seems to me to be about 94%-unworthy, 5%-nauseating, 1%-worthy. I'm thankful, but I don't understand...